Loss in the Family

Today I found out that my Aunt Donna passed away.

For years I have sat with others as they cried over a loss in the family and their difficulty in not being able to be home to allow for the reality of the loss to kick in. For years I have sat there thinking to myself, "I have no idea what it is like to loose someone." Unfortunately, now I do. It feels awful. For the most part I think I am doing okay, but I also am learning that I am really good at hiding or ignoring the fact that I have just experienced "a trauma". I easily pick up where life left off forgetting that something has happened, partly because I want to and partly because I just naturally do it. I hate to tell others and to burden them with it because there really is no need and in reality it is an awkward thing to bring up with others because they never know what to say, I never knew what to say. But it is also nice to know that people do care, therefore, it is a hard balance to find. Either way the most difficult part of it all is not being able to be there for my mom right now. To be present at the funeral and to hear about the impact that my Aunt had on others lives. To be able to express my love for her and the impact that she has had on me and my family. It's hard to think that I will be the only one not present from my family which then leads to the fact that I am ALWAYS the one who is not present from my family.... will this ever change? Should I be living closer to home? Or is it really not that important... How long do I want to be living at such a distance from them?

Either way life must go on and here I find myself on the complete opposite side of the world, with limited contact with my family having to lean fully on Christ and the power of prayer to know that my family is being taken care of. That my mom is finding comfort. That the family is being brought together in new ways and that I will be able to be a part of that when I return.

Death is kind of scary, odly enought this has been somethign on my mind lately. Not in a psychotic kind of way, but just there.

My Aunt was ill, but we didn't realize how ill. She found out she had cancer just around Christmas in the process of having other ailments looked at. Thankfully she passed away peacefully in her sleep. She was one who loved the Lord and so now we pray, "May she rest in peace in the arms of her Savior."




April