Today I found out that my Aunt Donna passed away.
For years I have sat with others as they cried over a loss in the family and their difficulty in not being able to be home to allow for the reality of the loss to kick in. For years I have sat there thinking to myself, "I have no idea what it is like to loose someone." Unfortunately, now I do. It feels awful. For the most part I think I am doing okay, but I also am learning that I am really good at hiding or ignoring the fact that I have just experienced "a trauma". I easily pick up where life left off forgetting that something has happened, partly because I want to and partly because I just naturally do it. I hate to tell others and to burden them with it because there really is no need and in reality it is an awkward thing to bring up with others because they never know what to say, I never knew what to say. But it is also nice to know that people do care, therefore, it is a hard balance to find. Either way the most difficult part of it all is not being able to be there for my mom right now. To be present at the funeral and to hear about the impact that my Aunt had on others lives. To be able to express my love for her and the impact that she has had on me and my family. It's hard to think that I will be the only one not present from my family which then leads to the fact that I am ALWAYS the one who is not present from my family.... will this ever change? Should I be living closer to home? Or is it really not that important... How long do I want to be living at such a distance from them?
Either way life must go on and here I find myself on the complete opposite side of the world, with limited contact with my family having to lean fully on Christ and the power of prayer to know that my family is being taken care of. That my mom is finding comfort. That the family is being brought together in new ways and that I will be able to be a part of that when I return.
Death is kind of scary, odly enought this has been somethign on my mind lately. Not in a psychotic kind of way, but just there.
My Aunt was ill, but we didn't realize how ill. She found out she had cancer just around Christmas in the process of having other ailments looked at. Thankfully she passed away peacefully in her sleep. She was one who loved the Lord and so now we pray, "May she rest in peace in the arms of her Savior."
April
Monday, November 15, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Time Flys...
Sitting on my balcony in the peaceful guest house, which will be my place of residence for the next 3 weeks, I find myself feeling much at peace. Although there is much going on inside my head and heart, I am undeniably grateful to have the opportunity to travel for work and to finally have a couple of hours where I can sit, reflect, drink an original Thai Beer, and simply enjoy being alone. This trip has definitely not allowed for as much alone time as I had hoped but I've learned that one simply has to embrace the small moments and that in the end they may be more affective than finding many hours alone.
As you can most likely tell, by the lack of entries I have done over the last month and a half, I have not had much time to write or reflect. The days have proved to be very full with lectures, seeing the sites, meeting the people, and dealing with group dynamics. The first month of the trip was much more challenging than I had expected and brought to reality that this really isn't a vacation in Asia, I am working in Asia. My role as a CA has not changed as we have traveled from Canada to Southeast Asia, if anything it got more intense. However, I am still thankful for the experience. It has been a challenge for me to really discover what it looks like to encourage healthy christian community and to what extent one needs to just allow people to figure it out on their own. At one point myself and fellow leader found ourselves in front of the group expressing the burden that we had on our hearts for the way in which the group was interacting. I was practically in tears over it, which is not expected of me, and it quickly brought to light the fact that our group was not functioning in a healthy way and that things needed to change in order to really make the most of this "once in a lifetime" experience. Thankfully we were not alone in these observations and having finally put it out there a load was able to be lifted. The students attitudes (at least most) began to change and interaction with each other became more intentional. It was such a relief. Ever since the trip has been much more enjoyable for me, and most likely for others.
As for the sites, people, sounds, etc... I could go on and on. Asia is a beautiful place. One that I believe people tend to over look. For example The Philippines: it's a place that rarely sees the appearance of "foreign visitors" yet they are the most welcoming, accommodating, caring people I have ever met. I want to return simply to have their kindness, hospitality and importance of family rub off on me. It is a very Catholic influenced country. It was interesting to hear their history and to realize that it was becaue of the Spanish that they are so Catholic based. In reality they really put us, as Christian Americans, to shame in regards to their commitment to God, others and their families. Of course the country to the Philippines does not have much "to see". It is not a place for tourists in that you see a lot of poverty and are aware of the large amount of corruption that is present there. The corruption and poverty present is quite unnerving, however, it ceased to amaze us as to how they are still able to keep their smile, passion and love for life. Seriously, we can learn MUCH for them.
Malaysia proved to be a completely different expierence. There we were bombarded with the city life. We were downtown Kuala Lumpur (KL) where we were situated in what was recently called "Little India". Because of this we found ourselves enjoying Indian Cuisine, Indian Markets and the constant sounds of LOUD TECHNO Indian music all through the night. :) Lets just say, when it came time to leave we were ready. Malaysia was interesting though in that it had such ethnic varities. The country is mainly Islamic and so you see Mosques and hear the call to prayer all over the city. The buildings were very exquisite. I will have to post pictures in order for you to see. And the Central Market, near China Town, was definitely the highlight of our time there. Many hours were spent looking at the local crafts, the handmade Batik's and eating the local foods. We even were able to squeeze in some time at the Fish Spa where little fish come up and "eat" away at your feet/callouses on your feet. It was quite the experience.
Now, I am in Thailand where a walk down the street will introduce you immediately to the Buddhist tempels, very present monks (they are seen all over the city doing anything and everything BUT interaction with the female gender). There are tuk tuks galour and food stands a plenty. I love it here. It has a very peaceful feel to it, the people are also very pleasent and things are very cheap!! And markets... they are everywhere!! Speaking of which.. it's time for me to get ready to go to the Walking Street Market, which is said to be the largest of them all.
So, I realize this is a lot to read and if you made it to the end, I am grateful for your interest. I hope to have time to make smaller posts with more direct reflections (maybe even post some pictures). But know that all is well, and that I am safe (thanks to having dodged a super typhoon).
April
As you can most likely tell, by the lack of entries I have done over the last month and a half, I have not had much time to write or reflect. The days have proved to be very full with lectures, seeing the sites, meeting the people, and dealing with group dynamics. The first month of the trip was much more challenging than I had expected and brought to reality that this really isn't a vacation in Asia, I am working in Asia. My role as a CA has not changed as we have traveled from Canada to Southeast Asia, if anything it got more intense. However, I am still thankful for the experience. It has been a challenge for me to really discover what it looks like to encourage healthy christian community and to what extent one needs to just allow people to figure it out on their own. At one point myself and fellow leader found ourselves in front of the group expressing the burden that we had on our hearts for the way in which the group was interacting. I was practically in tears over it, which is not expected of me, and it quickly brought to light the fact that our group was not functioning in a healthy way and that things needed to change in order to really make the most of this "once in a lifetime" experience. Thankfully we were not alone in these observations and having finally put it out there a load was able to be lifted. The students attitudes (at least most) began to change and interaction with each other became more intentional. It was such a relief. Ever since the trip has been much more enjoyable for me, and most likely for others.
As for the sites, people, sounds, etc... I could go on and on. Asia is a beautiful place. One that I believe people tend to over look. For example The Philippines: it's a place that rarely sees the appearance of "foreign visitors" yet they are the most welcoming, accommodating, caring people I have ever met. I want to return simply to have their kindness, hospitality and importance of family rub off on me. It is a very Catholic influenced country. It was interesting to hear their history and to realize that it was becaue of the Spanish that they are so Catholic based. In reality they really put us, as Christian Americans, to shame in regards to their commitment to God, others and their families. Of course the country to the Philippines does not have much "to see". It is not a place for tourists in that you see a lot of poverty and are aware of the large amount of corruption that is present there. The corruption and poverty present is quite unnerving, however, it ceased to amaze us as to how they are still able to keep their smile, passion and love for life. Seriously, we can learn MUCH for them.
Malaysia proved to be a completely different expierence. There we were bombarded with the city life. We were downtown Kuala Lumpur (KL) where we were situated in what was recently called "Little India". Because of this we found ourselves enjoying Indian Cuisine, Indian Markets and the constant sounds of LOUD TECHNO Indian music all through the night. :) Lets just say, when it came time to leave we were ready. Malaysia was interesting though in that it had such ethnic varities. The country is mainly Islamic and so you see Mosques and hear the call to prayer all over the city. The buildings were very exquisite. I will have to post pictures in order for you to see. And the Central Market, near China Town, was definitely the highlight of our time there. Many hours were spent looking at the local crafts, the handmade Batik's and eating the local foods. We even were able to squeeze in some time at the Fish Spa where little fish come up and "eat" away at your feet/callouses on your feet. It was quite the experience.
Now, I am in Thailand where a walk down the street will introduce you immediately to the Buddhist tempels, very present monks (they are seen all over the city doing anything and everything BUT interaction with the female gender). There are tuk tuks galour and food stands a plenty. I love it here. It has a very peaceful feel to it, the people are also very pleasent and things are very cheap!! And markets... they are everywhere!! Speaking of which.. it's time for me to get ready to go to the Walking Street Market, which is said to be the largest of them all.
So, I realize this is a lot to read and if you made it to the end, I am grateful for your interest. I hope to have time to make smaller posts with more direct reflections (maybe even post some pictures). But know that all is well, and that I am safe (thanks to having dodged a super typhoon).
April
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