Leaving on a jet plane. (I know...lame,)

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again..."
I just found myself singing that classic song with my co-leader Debbie in the hallway of our hotel here in Bangkok. We are currently in the packing process which always involves weighing my luggage to see how close I have come to reaching the weight limit. Thankfully I always seem to manage to JUST make it under the 50 pound mark. Ooops. But in my defense our location offered undeniable great deals for Christmas gifts which now saves me from having to enter into the crazy Christmas scene when I head home to Ontario. This now allows me to spend more time with my family as well as provides them with unique gifts! :) I can't begin to express how cheap things are here. And the amazing amount of markets, they are everywhere! Mind you it is pretty much what people live off of. There are a small amount of large grocery stores because it's so much easier to go to the local market, not to mention you are helping to feed families if you choose to shop in this way. Makes me wish we had more of these options in America.

Anyway, again I regret that I have not written more often about my experiences here but I do imagine that I will be doing a lot of reflecting as I go through my culture shocked return to Canada. I know that I have seen and done many things that have altered my perspective on.... well more than I can list at the moment. For example, today we went to visit the Grand Palace in Bangkok. The architecture was so immaculate and it was sooo shinny!! I can't even begin to describe it, nor can pictures portray it. Apparently the King of Thailand is one, if not THE, wealthiest King in the world which was pretty obvious after having seen his "home" (he doesn't actually live there anymore...). The disappointing part of it all is that you walk into this grand palace and learn all these things about him and his wealth and then exit to see merchants all down the street trying to make "ends meat". I saw children sleeping on a bridge on the main street, people bathing in the canal, beggars and much much more. Nothing is being done, we come and we are here to help feed the king's people, people that he should be able to feed. It does not make any sense, but then again the poverty in our world has never made sense. There is sooo much emphasis put on this one man. One human being which happened to be born into the right family and therefore has wealth and prestige and honor from all. (Although, don't get me wrong I am sure he has done some good for his people, I read about it in a museum today ;) ).

Hmm, in thinking about it someone it also causes me to wonder if his treatment of the poor, or lack there of, has anything to do with their religion. Thailand is a Buddhist country and part of their belief is that if you have done wrong in your past life and are reborn into poverty, without a body part, or illness then you most likely deserve it. Therefore, they don't feel that great of a need to help. However, there is a need for others to do good in order to be reborn into a better state so some do help them... so maybe my theory of the king doesn't ring true. But it's a thought.


OKay well time is ticking away and I should be sleeping right now. I always manage to stay up far later than I should, maybe that is why I am currently fighting a cold, but anyway if you read this I would love prayers for a safe journey for all tomorrow. We will be separating to all go home to our various provinces. It's going to be strange to part but I am also SOO ready for the break.

Much love.

April

P.s. i actually posted this and then had to remove it because of the fear that I could get arrested for what i wrote about the king! I wasn't thinking when I wrote it from the Bangkok hotel and after reality set in and I needed to remove it until now. Yes, they are seriously that strict about the way people talk about their king.

Loss in the Family

Today I found out that my Aunt Donna passed away.

For years I have sat with others as they cried over a loss in the family and their difficulty in not being able to be home to allow for the reality of the loss to kick in. For years I have sat there thinking to myself, "I have no idea what it is like to loose someone." Unfortunately, now I do. It feels awful. For the most part I think I am doing okay, but I also am learning that I am really good at hiding or ignoring the fact that I have just experienced "a trauma". I easily pick up where life left off forgetting that something has happened, partly because I want to and partly because I just naturally do it. I hate to tell others and to burden them with it because there really is no need and in reality it is an awkward thing to bring up with others because they never know what to say, I never knew what to say. But it is also nice to know that people do care, therefore, it is a hard balance to find. Either way the most difficult part of it all is not being able to be there for my mom right now. To be present at the funeral and to hear about the impact that my Aunt had on others lives. To be able to express my love for her and the impact that she has had on me and my family. It's hard to think that I will be the only one not present from my family which then leads to the fact that I am ALWAYS the one who is not present from my family.... will this ever change? Should I be living closer to home? Or is it really not that important... How long do I want to be living at such a distance from them?

Either way life must go on and here I find myself on the complete opposite side of the world, with limited contact with my family having to lean fully on Christ and the power of prayer to know that my family is being taken care of. That my mom is finding comfort. That the family is being brought together in new ways and that I will be able to be a part of that when I return.

Death is kind of scary, odly enought this has been somethign on my mind lately. Not in a psychotic kind of way, but just there.

My Aunt was ill, but we didn't realize how ill. She found out she had cancer just around Christmas in the process of having other ailments looked at. Thankfully she passed away peacefully in her sleep. She was one who loved the Lord and so now we pray, "May she rest in peace in the arms of her Savior."




April

Time Flys...

Sitting on my balcony in the peaceful guest house, which will be my place of residence for the next 3 weeks, I find myself feeling much at peace. Although there is much going on inside my head and heart, I am undeniably grateful to have the opportunity to travel for work and to finally have a couple of hours where I can sit, reflect, drink an original Thai Beer, and simply enjoy being alone. This trip has definitely not allowed for as much alone time as I had hoped but I've learned that one simply has to embrace the small moments and that in the end they may be more affective than finding many hours alone.

As you can most likely tell, by the lack of entries I have done over the last month and a half, I have not had much time to write or reflect. The days have proved to be very full with lectures, seeing the sites, meeting the people, and dealing with group dynamics. The first month of the trip was much more challenging than I had expected and brought to reality that this really isn't a vacation in Asia, I am working in Asia. My role as a CA has not changed as we have traveled from Canada to Southeast Asia, if anything it got more intense. However, I am still thankful for the experience. It has been a challenge for me to really discover what it looks like to encourage healthy christian community and to what extent one needs to just allow people to figure it out on their own. At one point myself and fellow leader found ourselves in front of the group expressing the burden that we had on our hearts for the way in which the group was interacting. I was practically in tears over it, which is not expected of me, and it quickly brought to light the fact that our group was not functioning in a healthy way and that things needed to change in order to really make the most of this "once in a lifetime" experience. Thankfully we were not alone in these observations and having finally put it out there a load was able to be lifted. The students attitudes (at least most) began to change and interaction with each other became more intentional. It was such a relief. Ever since the trip has been much more enjoyable for me, and most likely for others.

As for the sites, people, sounds, etc... I could go on and on. Asia is a beautiful place. One that I believe people tend to over look. For example The Philippines: it's a place that rarely sees the appearance of "foreign visitors" yet they are the most welcoming, accommodating, caring people I have ever met. I want to return simply to have their kindness, hospitality and importance of family rub off on me. It is a very Catholic influenced country. It was interesting to hear their history and to realize that it was becaue of the Spanish that they are so Catholic based. In reality they really put us, as Christian Americans, to shame in regards to their commitment to God, others and their families. Of course the country to the Philippines does not have much "to see". It is not a place for tourists in that you see a lot of poverty and are aware of the large amount of corruption that is present there. The corruption and poverty present is quite unnerving, however, it ceased to amaze us as to how they are still able to keep their smile, passion and love for life. Seriously, we can learn MUCH for them.

Malaysia proved to be a completely different expierence. There we were bombarded with the city life. We were downtown Kuala Lumpur (KL) where we were situated in what was recently called "Little India". Because of this we found ourselves enjoying Indian Cuisine, Indian Markets and the constant sounds of LOUD TECHNO Indian music all through the night. :) Lets just say, when it came time to leave we were ready. Malaysia was interesting though in that it had such ethnic varities. The country is mainly Islamic and so you see Mosques and hear the call to prayer all over the city. The buildings were very exquisite. I will have to post pictures in order for you to see. And the Central Market, near China Town, was definitely the highlight of our time there. Many hours were spent looking at the local crafts, the handmade Batik's and eating the local foods. We even were able to squeeze in some time at the Fish Spa where little fish come up and "eat" away at your feet/callouses on your feet. It was quite the experience.

Now, I am in Thailand where a walk down the street will introduce you immediately to the Buddhist tempels, very present monks (they are seen all over the city doing anything and everything BUT interaction with the female gender). There are tuk tuks galour and food stands a plenty. I love it here. It has a very peaceful feel to it, the people are also very pleasent and things are very cheap!! And markets... they are everywhere!! Speaking of which.. it's time for me to get ready to go to the Walking Street Market, which is said to be the largest of them all.

So, I realize this is a lot to read and if you made it to the end, I am grateful for your interest. I hope to have time to make smaller posts with more direct reflections (maybe even post some pictures). But know that all is well, and that I am safe (thanks to having dodged a super typhoon).


April

Hong Kong...tomorrow.

The day has finally arrived and this time tomorrow I will find myself with 30 other people in the Toronto Airport awaiting our departure to Southeast Asia. Some are very excited for this trip but it is actually surprising as to how many of the students are dreading it. For many this trip is an escape from life, others it is taking them away from loved ones. We have those who are recently engaged leaving behind a fiance, those who will be grieving the loss of a loved one while overseas and would rather be home, some who are leaving family situations they would rather not leave, and others who are just not comfortable with the idea of being in a place that they are not familiar with. The craziest thing is that I sit here with the realization that pulling away tomorrow there is going to be a sense of sadness on the bus. It is actually going to be a sad event, for those going and those staying. We will be leaving a big hole in this community and for many this is the last time they will be seeing their fellow students before they graduate. Crazy crazy dynamics I tell ya! But all in all its been encouraging to hear the students saying that they know this is an opportunity of a life time and even though there are many reasons as to why they would like to back out they are going to go because they know that it will challenge them and cause them to become"better people," for lack of a better term right now.

All in all I am able to say that I am ready for this adventure. I have no idea what to expect, but I figure thats the best way to enter into it. It's more exciting that way :) Right?

So... HONG KONG here I come!!! Hurray for extremely long flights and layovers in the airports. Extreme Bonding Time shall begin this time tomorrow.

Adios Canada!

Am I Actually Going To Do This?

The idea of a blog always seemed foreign for me and mainly because I saw it as a place in which brilliant people would post their thoughts in order to allow others to critique, agree, or add to their recent "ah hah" moments or clear up certain conundrums etc... Not that they really wanted or expected there to be answers to their conundrums because in many situations it seems as though there are no answers, or at least concrete answers to the conundrums :) For poets or literature fanatics it seems to be an outlet in which to expose their talent and be vulnerable with their personal writings as they allow others to read and critique. Or some simply like to use it as a way to up date people on their lives, post important quotes or life altering moments. All very good reasons to blog and reasons I appreciate greatly. But as for me, why I have decided to start blogging?? Well... I can't really concretely state why. A part of me decided that it might be a good way for me to start processing some of the things that i have been holding in for some now and another part of me thought it might be a good place to update people on my life because it seems as though all other aspects of communication are far to overwhelming and difficult to keep up on. However, the present reason, or the reason that brought me to finally looking up the website and deciding to sign up, is that I have recently found myself heading out on a very unexpected journey to Southeast Asia. And in order to prepare me, and the 28 students that I will be going with, I have been sitting in on a Cultural Anthropology class where I have been learning about the importance of observation and realizing the extent to which this trip could have some grand affects on my life. However, the reality is that you get out of a trip/experience by what you put into it. So, therefore, I felt it might be beneficial to have a place to really spend time reflecting on what I am observing while I am there, how it is affecting me and the ways in which my worldview or perspective on life, who I am, how I live etc... etc... is going to be altered.

Some of the desires that I have heading into this unexpected travel term:

1. Be a time of rest, a break from the out of control life I am living here in St. Stephen

2. Expose me to a culture I have never, nor ever expected to be exposed to which will be a learned experience for me.

3. Allow me to truly pour into the lives of the students I spent all last year getting to know in a very unique way and allow me to relate to them more having experienced a travel term and

4. Strengthen my understanding of God, Christianity and Truth as I will be brought face to face with religions that will challenge what I believe and in some ways be more attractive than one might expect them to be.

Anyway, I am going to leave it at that for today. One thing I know I have the tendency to be is wordy - it was always my main problem when writing papers - but I do hope that this Blog will be worth while reading and if nothing else a source for which I might be able to process much of what I am pondering in this life unexpected.