"If there is a will, there is a way!"

Life Unexpected proves once again to be the appropriate title for my blog. It seems to be that nothing ever runs in a straight and predictable line, there are always twists and turns leaving me feeling lost, disoriented and confused as to which path must next be taken.

Currently I am finding myself nearing the end of another degree. Come the end of the month i will have completed all the requirements for a Masters of Education in Counselling Psychology. Sounds impressive, doesn't it? Except that I am a part of what is called "Generation Jobless", a generation that has come to realize no matter the amount of degrees gained we are still unable to find work. This was a bit of a reality check for me last night as I watched the documentary, "Generation Jobless" by CBC. As I have been applying for, and looking into, potential job opportunities it has become glaringly obvious that although I am now a trained counsellor I still do not have the experience necessary for obtaining the jobs I desire. So the question ends up being, how does one get the experience if they cannot get the jobs? It's a vicious cycle. Thankfully for me I have been given an opportunity to gain experience, however, that still comes with a cost. I still need money to live off of in order to make a go of it, to give time to build a clientele, and actually be able to make money off of counselling. Therefore, I am finding myself having to move in what feels like a backwards direction. I am now hoping I can get work serving tables because I know that will provide me with a decent wage until I can get things going, but how odd would it be to have someone who is a professional, potentually your counsellor, serving you at a restaurant? It just doesn't seem right to me and yet there really are no other options. And don't get me wrong, I do enjoy serving and do not belittle the work that people do there it's just that it's a dead end job. You are not going to be moving up from that and it's not adding to my skill set as a counselor. Overall, it's not what I expected to be doing once completing my Masters degree.

So where does this leave me? Well, it leaves me with the realization that nothing comes to you without hard work, humbleness/positive thinking, and a good support team. As I wrestle with where life is going to take me in the next month or so I come to realize that to get my "dream job" I need to work hard at showing myself, and others, that I can do the work and gain the experience necessary to get to where I want to be. That I have to humble myself and work in places I may not be excited to work with the understanding that I am doing what I have to do to survive and further develop my "experience resume".  I also have come to realize how essential networking and a strong support system is for me. I am grateful for my connections, they already have helped to encourage and guide me in the best steps to take.  I've been so lucky to have made the connections I have made during my time at UNB. I am also thankful to have people I know I can lean on during this time and I am gratefule to have kept the relationships I gained the years before while working at SSU. I also am forever grateful that I have a supportive family who, even though they are in Ontario offer a great source of comfort, love and support in whatever way possible. There is no way I would be able to do this on my own spiritually, emotionally, and even financially without all these individuals by my side. Life is about community and/or family (however you want to look at it). Without it, I don't know where would I be?

So I leave you with this. When times get hard what do you hold on to? Who helps to keep you on the straight and narrow and for those of you in a similar situation, how are you showing resilience in the way that you are working through disappointment? Who are you looking to? Or who could you be looking to? And in what kind of ways do you need to start pushing yourself to work hard at getting what you need to reach your goal? What are the barriers? And who can you talk to, or what do you need to do, to remove them? It can be overwhelming, but nothing is impossible. As my Mom always says, "If there is a will, there is a way".

It's late.
Tired.
Feel like all I do is look at this computer screen these days.
Asking myself:
What is this all for? Where am I going to be headed next?
Is love in the books for me?
I look.
I dream. 
I'm trying to gain steam, but I just feel more and more confused about it every time.

Whatever happened to finding love naturally?
Am I not looking hard enough? Or looking too hard?
Am I cancelling out options that could be? Or has the right guy just not come along at the right time?

I'm happy to be me. I enjoy my independence. I feel comfortable in my own skin, which has taken a lot of time, encouragement, and effort. Yet here I am. An accomplished and educated single woman struggling to find love, struggling to find a companion to share my dreams, stories, and life with.

But I have faith. I trust in the ONE who knows my desires.
So, I continue to Pray. Hope. Dream. Wait.
Because in the end I know it's worth waiting for. 

My Little Bro Is Married!

On May 25th, 2013 my little brother married his best friend. How lucky I am to  have such a great brother, and now a sister. It was such a great day watching the two of them interact as husband and wife. The day was full of laughter, smiles, hugs, and lots of dancing (especially on my part, LOVE dancing) as we celebrating the joinging of these two lives.

I could go into details of the event but instead I have decided to post my "Sister of the Groom Speech". Hope you enjoy and get a sense of the appreciation and admiration I have for my little bro and his new wife!

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Good Evening,  

For those of you who haven’t yet picked up on who I am, I’m Devon’s sister April. The one who pops in from time to time from the east coast.

When I look back on childhood with Devon I am reminded of the gift he has been to me. Even if we would pull at each other’s hair, hit, sit on, or bite each other from time to time, life would have been pretty lonely without him. One of my most memorable moments with Devon is when my friend and I took advantage of  him and his best bud Patrick's boredom and dressed them up as girls…. which was naturally followed by us parading them up and down the street ringing people’s door bells in order to introduce them to Patricia and Devina (you may have seen the photos in the slide show). To this day I have no clue why they agreed, but I guess they just admired their sisters so much that they’d do anything to spend time with us. Or entertain us? Either way it makes for a juicy memory.

I admire my brother for many reasons. He’s a good judge of character, wise and very loyal. 

I also consider him to be the funny one in the family. Whether he was trying to say something funny or just being his quirky self,  like trying on a piece of clothing as soon as he opens it, checking himself out in the mirror and then returning to ask us about 5 times each if we think it fits him properly, (good luck with that steph) we always seemed to get a good laugh. In particular, Devon has always enjoyed teasing me any chance he gets, so at a very young age I learned that as an older sister it is important to understand that my brother is probably bugging me so much because he wants to be like me. Even if he’s being mean to me the fact that he’s paying attention to me at all means that he wants to be around me, I guess you must like me quite a bit eh bro?

I also admire Devon’s determination. As soon as he asks his millions of questions, analyzes all possible options, and makes up his mind there is no turning back.– heck, the kid taught himself to play guitar!   

And now, he’s chosen himself a bride.

Which leads me to Stephanie. Steph, how excited I am to finally be able to say that I have a sister. It’s been such a joy getting to know you over the past 7 years. It says a lot that when I come home I look forward to seeing you as much as I do the rest of my family. It just wouldn’t be family without you being around. You have such a kind heart, good sense of humor, and you always make a point to spend time with me when I come - which has meant a lot. I can see how you bring out the best in my brother and this week in particular has been a blessing as I’ve been able to watch the love you two share, the godly character growth in each of you and how you look out for each other in the big and small things. You clearly are the best friends. You tell each other every last secret and he has complete trust and admiration for you. And like I said, he’s as loyal as they come so you are definitely stuck with him for life ;)

Devon, it’s not been an easy thing having to miss out on moments of your life over the past 8 years. However, you’ve made it more bearable by always saying, “It’s good to have you home sis” and taking the time to have a good chat either before bed, in the morning as you get ready for work and I’m just awakening, or on the phone when I’m at a distance. I never doubt for a moment that I’m not cared for by you and expect nothing more or less.  

Devon you are a a wise, fun loving, responsible young man and I am so honored to be able to be here to congratulate you and your beautiful wife Stephanie on your long awaited wedding day.

Devon and Steph, May the Lord Bless you and keep you. May his face shine upon you and be gracious to you and may you always love each other as He has loved you. 

Please join me in a toast to the beautiful bride, my sister-in-law and to the handsome groom, my brother.  

Funny thing speeches are...but I am thankful for the way they provide me with a moment to say things I don't say enough and to reflect aspects of my loved ones that I don't reflect on enough . I sure do love this guy and miss him dearly. 

 

What is blogging?

What is blogging? I've recently find myself deep into this question as I work on an assignment for my Self-Care and Wellness class. My assignment is to choose a topic related to ways of promoting self-care in counsellors. The topic of blogging came up as an option and I suddenly became curious to gain a better understanding of what exactly blogging is, why people blog and what the benefits might be. How can it be used as a form of self care? How is it different from that of creative writing or writing in a journal? And how does having an audience change the experience?

In researching blogging I have discovered that first off, there isn't a lot of research on how it can be a form of self-care for Counsellors. However, many people have found blogging to be a useful form of therapy. Many have said that blogging has caused them to clarify their thoughts rather than just ramble on and on like they would in a journal. It has been a way to see themselves in a mirror and reflect on how they, and their thoughts, might be perceived. It is also a way of finding support and community with those who understand where you are coming from. You feel, in a way, like you are giving back by being vulnerable with your thoughts as others do the same. Some research even states that it is a way for young adults to work on their social skills. To see the value in vulnerability and honesty with others, and although it may begin by blogging to an unknown audience eventually it may play out in relationships in day to day life.

The strongest point was found in a study where they asked smokers to try blogging as a way to potentially quit smoking. Although the bloggers did not end up quitting smoking, they did end up focusing on the process of making life changes. Blogging caused them to reflect upon their life and how they were living. One in particular realized how she was glorifying the act of smoking through her blog photos and descriptions of the relief she felt while smoking. She realized this did not match up with her true feelings on smoking: that it is a bad habit, unhealthy and that she wants to quit. So she began focusing and glorifying things in life that she did admire, like nature: taking pictures of "the lungs of the earth" (trees). All this said, there was a focus change from thinking about why she smoked, when she got the cravings, what it meant to her to the process of making life changes. Pretty powerful I would say. All it takes is a little reflective space to see that maybe how your living is not how you want to live and that you have the ability to recognize and change these things if you'd just take the time to be present and reflect on it throughout the day/week/month/year. Many found that they'd suddenly took on the daily reflective stance of, "Oh, I could blog about this."

Needless to say there is much to be said about the act of blogging. It can be done in so many different ways and provides different things for different people. For some it is a way to promote themselves and maybe their work, others find it gives them a voice, and some use it purely to reflect on life, to process what comes their way and find support to get through. For me, well I've once again just entered into the blogging world but as I write about something I've learned I find it energizing to share my knowledge with others. It kind of makes me feel a little smarter, builds confidence in acknowledging that "Hey, I do know stuff!", and it's nice to know that time spent researching something has not gone to waste. I also appreciate how blogging helps me to compartmentalize whats been learned and should be shared.

But realistically a blog can be whatever you want it to be. So, blog on fellow bloggers!

My title of my blog proves to be meaningful for me yet again. It seems as though I can't get threw a year without something "big" occuring to alter all expectations for the year/term. Last year around this time I was being asked to fly across the world to Southeast Asia (hence the naming of my blog and the start up of it.. again I proved to fail at keeping up with it.) Now, I am finding myself heading into maybe even more scary and uncharted territory, at least for me. This time next month I will no longer be working in Student Life for the first time in over 6 years. I will be unemployed and living with a family in St. Stephen taking some time to rest and figure out what is next. This is going to be a very scary time for me... I have never been in a place where I have not had "10 things" happening all at once, where i have had to lean on others for support and where I have had to pull away from the usual activity/volunteering/work etc.. That I would normally be a part of. As my dear friend said, this is a year for ME. Sounds super selfish, I know! I hate it. Still trying to wrap my head around it but over and over again I am recieving the message that I need to be taking care of me. It's time to figure out what April wants out of life, how I want to be setting myself up for my future and not making my decisions based off of what I think others expect of me. Now, in saying this (or those of you reading) I am not in any way stating that I regret decisions made. Everything that I have done has prepared me for this moment, prepared me to be ready to take this self reflective time to really know who my God has created me to be and how I can best be used for His glory. Not to mention I do believe He has already used me in both seen and unseen ways and for that I am forever grateful and overwhelmed by the thought. But life is going to be having some unexpected changes....and so here we go! If you want (and if I keep up with it) you can journey with me through this experience of having nothing in particular to do. Journey with me through my self discovery and struggles with dealing with who I am and how I deal. Journey with me as I process what is next...It could be fun, boring, insightful or simply... simple! Either way I know this is probably an essential part of the process and I am going to try to make it a more regular thing.

Blessings.

Here we go again!

Hello all,

Well I am sitting in the main office here at SSU getting some nit picky work done before the students have all arrived and my job is put back into full force. I enter into this semester feeling a little out of the loop or disconnected but I realize that this will quickly change once the reality sets in for everyone that every semester is different. We have some students taking the semester off, some returning who haven't been here for over a year and others who have been here and are now preparing to graduate. We have 27 students graduating for our school this year which is going to leave a big hole. They are a fantastic group of people too. And man, this graduation is going to be a lot different from last years seeing as last years only had 5 Graduates. I tell ya this school is full of crazy dynamics!

And as for me, well I am feeling a lot more hopeful at this moment. Last year was a difficult year for me.. internally? But I feel as though God has granted me, or else I have just become more aware of the peace that is available. I am trying to be more active, more optimistic and intentional in every aspect of my life because of the realization that this is something I have been slacking on. My spiritual life took a turn for the worst during the summer and after talking to some people and coming to new insights of why that might be I feel as though I can now begin to renew that which seemed to have been lost.

So, I want to wish a VERY Happy New Year to one and all. May you be granted a new sense of peace, joy and hope for the year ahead. May you be intentional in your relationships, in the direction of your life and may you not allow fear to overcome you.

Much Love.

April

Leaving on a jet plane. (I know...lame,)

"I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again..."
I just found myself singing that classic song with my co-leader Debbie in the hallway of our hotel here in Bangkok. We are currently in the packing process which always involves weighing my luggage to see how close I have come to reaching the weight limit. Thankfully I always seem to manage to JUST make it under the 50 pound mark. Ooops. But in my defense our location offered undeniable great deals for Christmas gifts which now saves me from having to enter into the crazy Christmas scene when I head home to Ontario. This now allows me to spend more time with my family as well as provides them with unique gifts! :) I can't begin to express how cheap things are here. And the amazing amount of markets, they are everywhere! Mind you it is pretty much what people live off of. There are a small amount of large grocery stores because it's so much easier to go to the local market, not to mention you are helping to feed families if you choose to shop in this way. Makes me wish we had more of these options in America.

Anyway, again I regret that I have not written more often about my experiences here but I do imagine that I will be doing a lot of reflecting as I go through my culture shocked return to Canada. I know that I have seen and done many things that have altered my perspective on.... well more than I can list at the moment. For example, today we went to visit the Grand Palace in Bangkok. The architecture was so immaculate and it was sooo shinny!! I can't even begin to describe it, nor can pictures portray it. Apparently the King of Thailand is one, if not THE, wealthiest King in the world which was pretty obvious after having seen his "home" (he doesn't actually live there anymore...). The disappointing part of it all is that you walk into this grand palace and learn all these things about him and his wealth and then exit to see merchants all down the street trying to make "ends meat". I saw children sleeping on a bridge on the main street, people bathing in the canal, beggars and much much more. Nothing is being done, we come and we are here to help feed the king's people, people that he should be able to feed. It does not make any sense, but then again the poverty in our world has never made sense. There is sooo much emphasis put on this one man. One human being which happened to be born into the right family and therefore has wealth and prestige and honor from all. (Although, don't get me wrong I am sure he has done some good for his people, I read about it in a museum today ;) ).

Hmm, in thinking about it someone it also causes me to wonder if his treatment of the poor, or lack there of, has anything to do with their religion. Thailand is a Buddhist country and part of their belief is that if you have done wrong in your past life and are reborn into poverty, without a body part, or illness then you most likely deserve it. Therefore, they don't feel that great of a need to help. However, there is a need for others to do good in order to be reborn into a better state so some do help them... so maybe my theory of the king doesn't ring true. But it's a thought.


OKay well time is ticking away and I should be sleeping right now. I always manage to stay up far later than I should, maybe that is why I am currently fighting a cold, but anyway if you read this I would love prayers for a safe journey for all tomorrow. We will be separating to all go home to our various provinces. It's going to be strange to part but I am also SOO ready for the break.

Much love.

April

P.s. i actually posted this and then had to remove it because of the fear that I could get arrested for what i wrote about the king! I wasn't thinking when I wrote it from the Bangkok hotel and after reality set in and I needed to remove it until now. Yes, they are seriously that strict about the way people talk about their king.